You may be finding this before you’re engaged as that season is upon you, or you’ve found this awhile after the initial excitement a few days or weeks in. Either way, i’m glad you found it! It’s important to remember what this season is about and I want to make sure you get the most out of it that you can! As generally, this season may only last 6-12 months.
Here’s something that may sound counter intuitive to wedding planning culture today… you do not need a plan right away. You don’t need a venue this week, a Pinterest board with four hundred pins, or a spreadsheet color-coded by vendor type. What you need is a short, clear list of what actually matters right now, and permission to let everything else wait.
So before you open a single planning website or Pinterest inspo, here’s the order I would approach celebrating engagement and wedding panning if I could do it again, coming from a virtual friend who wishes we were sitting and talking about this over coffee instead of a screen 🙂
1. Tell the people who need to hear it from you, not from Instagram
Before you post the ring photo, take a few minutes or even days (I know, seems like a long time to wait to post! ) to call or see the people closest to you. Parents, siblings, and your friends who would be hurt to find out from social media rather than from the source. It costs you twenty minutes and it’s the kind of thing that actually matters later, even though it has nothing to do with logistics.
2. Let yourselves just be engaged for a little while
This sounds obvious, but it’s the step most brides skip. The few days or weeks right after getting engaged are part of this season too, not just the on-ramp to planning. You’re allowed to enjoy being engaged before you start being a project manager (read that again).
3. Talk about your “why” before your “how”
Before either of you opens a vendor website, talk about what you actually want this day to feel like. Big and full of people, or small and chill? Formal, or something that feels more like a really fun party?
You don’t need final answers — you need a shared starting point, so you’re not Googling venues with two completely different weddings in your heads.
If you’re at a loss for ideas or starter points for this conversation, I made a page of “Questions to answer before you start planning” in my “Becoming A Bride” conversation guide. You can grab it here!
4. Have the budget conversation before you fall in love with anything
This is the one I’d move up the list if I could only give you one piece of advice: talk numbers — together, and with anyone contributing — before you tour a single venue or try on a single dress. It’s so much harder to walk away from something you’ve already pictured yourself in than it is to simply not look in the first place.
5. Pick a rough season, not a perfect date
You don’t need an exact date just yet. You need a general window. Pick a season, then a specific month or two. Keep in mind how far out you would like to plan as well. This is enough to start conversations with venues without locking yourself into a date you might end up changing anyway once you see what’s actually available based on other vendors as well.
For example your venue may have the date open but is the photographer or DJ you want available that day? If those are important to you then factor those in.
6. Get a feel for the kind of venue you’re picturing, not the venue itself
Indoor or outdoor? City or somewhere in the country? A blank space you’d dress up, or somewhere already beautiful on its own? You’re narrowing a category, not making a decision — that part comes later, and it’s so much easier once you’ve done steps three and four first.
7. Create one shared place for all of this
I highly recommend creating a shared email like “Thesmiths@gmail.com” something with your last name or first names/initials. This will allow all vendor communication to be in one place and shared easily! You can organize emails very easily as well. For ideation and random ideas, a shared digital document between the two of you would be great as well. Not five different text threads, a notes app, and a stack of screenshots you’ll never find again. It doesn’t need to be fancy at the beginning. It just needs to be in one place!
Everything else can wait
That’s it. That’s the actual list. Not the guest list, not the seating chart, not the seventeen vendor categories every wedding website wants you to think about on day one. Those will get their turn. Right now, the only job in front of you is the seven things above — and the very real, very valid job of just letting yourselves be happy and content with enjoying engagement for a minute 🙂
